I Know Where the Comma Goes—Usually

Like all schoolchildren of my generation, teachers drilled us on spelling, punctuation, and rules of grammar. We diagrammed sentences to identify subjects and predicates and how different parts of a sentence fit together. We memorized which words were nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, pronouns, and so on.

We learned that commas separated words or short phrases in a list and that a semi colon separated different thoughts within the same sentence. Periods end complete sentences. The Oxford comma was king, conjugating English verbs is a pain in the backside, and ‘except for’ is the bane of every student’s existence who studies the English language. Basically we engaged in multiple forms of mental cruelty.

Do I remember everything I learned so long ago? No, but I do keep several grammar books handy and have quite a few sites on the internet bookmarked for handy reference. If someone asked me to write a parenthetical phrase, I’d have to look it up. (It’s a phrase or expression that is inserted within the main subject matter of the sentence and can be removed without losing the meaning of the sentence. For example: The grass, which looked really dry, covered the hillside.)

Some of the things I always have to look up:

·         Sit versus Sat and its cousins Lay versus Lie

·         Who versus That, and the equally annoying, That versus Which

·         Breath versus Breathe

·         Ensure versus Insure

·         Appraised versus Apprised

·         Is it ‘all right or alright’?

·         Is it ‘beside or besides’?

·         Farther versus Further

·         The list is much longer, but you get the idea.

That being said, as a fiction writer do I always follow the rules? Not on your life. Inserting a semi colon into a sentence is taboo. My workaround? I either use a long dash to separate the different ideas or create two short sentences. Commas should separate the parenthetical phrase mentioned above, but sometimes I replace those commas with a long dash—just because I like the effect it creates. The reader pays more attention to that phrase.

Effect is probably the biggest reason for breaking the rules. Sometimes “He did not.” perfectly portrays what I want the reader to feel. On other occasions “He. Did. Not.” creates the sense of outrage I want the reader to experience.

The same applies to those pesky commas between words that describe the noun. I know I’m supposed to use a comma, but I usually don’t want to create that pause between words. One of the reasons I neglect to follow this rule on a consistent basis is the use of the ‘speak’ app in the Microsoft word program when I’m editing. Listening to that monotone voice read back my work and pausing at each comma, drives me nuts.

The comma has got to go. There are times when I want it to be “The big, red barn,” but more often; it’s just a “big red barn.” No special emphasis on big. The barn is simply big and red. Intellectually, I know readers probably don’t pause at the comma when reading that sentence, but I just can’t help myself—delete.

These are some of my grammar challenges. What grammar brick walls do you run into? (Thankfully the rule about never ending a sentence with a preposition has gone bye-bye. Otherwise the sentence would be, “What are grammar brick walls into which you run?”)